Strong social connections help us to navigate our stressors, solve problems and overcome challenges. There are many types of relationships we have throughout our lives. One of the most important relationships is the one with ourselves. It is important to respect and value ourselves before getting into intimate relationships with other people. When each partner has a good sense of personal identity, self-esteem and contributes to the relationship in a balanced way, this will set a foundation to establish strong, healthy relationships with others.
Beliefs and practices about romantic relationships, marriage and sex vary immensely around the world and affection is expressed differently across many cultures.
Our personal resilience is interwoven into resilience of the communities to which we belong. It is from the web of our relationships and connections with other people that we draw our strength. Such communities can lift us when we are down and give us the capacity to deal with whatever challenges come our way. However, creating and maintaining happy personal relationships and belonging to positive communities is not straightforward.
We might start out with a loving supportive relationship with a partner but then inattention, neglect and stressful life events take their toll leading to relationship conflict and breakdown.
At this point, the relationship far from being a source of well-being and happiness becomes a source of stress and dissatisfaction. In addition, you might initially join a positive community group that is bound around a positive mission to make the world a better place, but then the members get sidelined into infighting, scapegoating, as the community becoming divisive and in danger of fracture.
At this point, rather than providing a sense of belonging, these communities can isolate, hurt and damage many people. As a result, it is very important to continuously attend to and nurture our relationships with the important people in lives as well as taking time to strengthen the communities to which we belong. The two major challenges in maintaining close personal relationships are neglect eg not putting time into the relationship and not dealing constructively with conflict thus letting problems fester until they are out of control.
One-to-one relaxed time, when you have plenty of space to chat and have fun together is best. Whether this is being spaced out or checking email when they are talking or being caught up worries or stress that you are not there for them. Whether these are simply kind words of thanks to an important colleague, a gift to an important friend, affection with your partner or a reassuring hug for a child, everyone needs to be appreciated and nurtured in close relationships.
Learning to talk respectfully and assertively is the second most important communication skill. Taking responsibility and apologising, when you have hurt someone and moving on and forgiving, when you have been hurt are key to maintaining relationships through hard times. When we belong to a functional community it is very easy to assume that it will always be supportive and always be there for us. However, just like families and personal relationships, all the groups and organisations that you belong to need to be nurtured and reinvigorated.
All these groups require leaders and members willing to contribute and give back to support them. Interestingly, many studies highlight that it is the people who take leadership roles in community and voluntary groups who benefit the most in terms of their personal well-being and satisfaction.
In simple terms, it is people who give the most that get the most from these communities. If you belong to a community take time to improve it by: — Giving time as a volunteer eg as well as being a runner in your local park run, become one of the volunteers who organise it — Taking on a supportive role eg if you have benefited by attending Alcoholics Anonymous, why not volunteer to be a sponsor to help others?
Or, if you are not in many community groups, get out there and join one, picking one that reflects your passions and talents and which gives you a chance to contribute. Remember, by becoming more involved in communities, as well as making a difference you also become the beneficiary as you make supportive connections with people.
Take a moment to reflect on what are the important personal relationships in your life at the moment. Are any of your relationships under stress at the moment?
Whether it's having someone there to remind you to take your medicine or having a partner to help take your mind off the pain, research suggests long-term partners who have undergone heart surgery are three times more likely to survive the first three months after surgery than single patients. Long-term partners also reported feeling more confident about their ability to handle post-surgery pain and were less worried about the surgery in general. A little emotional support can go a long way toward helping a person recover from a procedure or illness.
Healthy relationships set the perfect tone for an overall healthy lifestyle. If your spouse, friends or other loved ones encourage eating a healthy diet, exercising, not smoking, etc. It's a lot easier to take on healthy behaviors when you surround yourself with people who are doing the same. Many people strive to feel like they're doing something good for someone else and improving the world in some way. Being in a loving relationship, no matter what kind, can give a person a sense of well-being and purpose.
In fact, it's possible that having a sense of purpose can actually add years to your life. Speaking of adding years to your life, research suggests that having social ties can increase longevity. Everyone is unique and has their own needs and desires when it comes to relationships, handling stress and living a meaningful life.
If you're the type of person who enjoys being alone, that's okay too, but attempting to form a few close relationships could contribute noticeable benefits to your mental and physical health. Sometimes having at least one good friend or trusted co-worker, therapist or counselor to help walk you through issues like social anxiety or depression can end up being more than worthwhile.
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